Here is the bio for the reviewer who’s work is featured in the post directly above this one.
Garland D’Warhoone was born in 1911 outside Lincoln, Nebraska and has been writing provocatively about literature, theater, dance, art, music, science, religion, food, and world cinema ever since. He has never used a computer, and prefers to chisel his reviews on stone tablets or — in a pinch — scratch them in soft dirt with a special stick he keeps at hand for that very purpose. These drafts, grammatically and rhetorically perfect, are then transcribed by his maiden-sister Columbinia, an accomplished typist.
He despises Luddites.
Alongside his sister, Dr. D’Warhoone (he holds a PhD in the History and Philosophy of Intelligent Design, as well as a Doctorate in the Science of Religion) maintains a residence in the Oklahoma mountains with their cats, "Plato," "SoCATese," "Hermione," "Jermaine-Tito," and "Bonkers."
Until this year, when failing health precluded the practice, he arose each morning at 3am to milk the family cow, "Lulubelle," personally. That duty has now fallen to a distant cousin, Dwayne, of the "Illinois D’Warhoon’s," a branch of the clan who have long since abandoned the terminal "e" in spelling the family name.
NovemberDecember 2003 to January 2004 D’Warhoone served his nation as a "chatter interpreter" for the United States Department of Homeland Security under then-President George W. Bush. The conditions of his separation from that posting prevent him from disclosing the nature of his work there, even to this day.