No Episode of “Lost” Tonight

10-26-2005 Dateline: USA – Today a consortium of geeks, nerds, and hipsters called for a national day of mourning to mark the first Wednesday of the fall season without a fresh episode of Lost.

"There will be a repeat of episode 02.02 tonight, and 02.03 will air again next week" said Colin Glip of Portland Oregon, who moonlights from his day job as a software engineer to act as spokesman for the consortium, "but as each of us should have had ample time for repeated viewings of ‘Man of Science, Man of Faith’ and ‘Orientation’ via Tivo, Bit Torrent, and iTunes, we encourage all true Losties to spend the day in silent prayer and meditation. Of course, repeated additional viewings of ‘The Dharma Initiative Orientation Film for Station 3’ are always recommended and we encourage fans facing significant personal challenges or withdrawal symptoms to view this film as often as needed. We require that everyone stay strong for the hurdles ahead during sweeps," Glip continued, referring to the reported impending death of a major female character during the November period when TV networks report their viewership numbers to advertisers.

Many sources point toward Shannon as the likeliest victim. But among Losties there is a clear division of opinion over who should die. "Women hate Kate, so they want it to be her. Men are still clinging to the hope that it’ll be the French lady," said Glip. "There are those few who don’t care who it is," he said, with a slight curl of the lip. "But those are mostly Tailies. You know … Ana-Lucia fans. We don’t talk to them. They simply aren’t like us, when all is said and done."

"Lost" returns with new episodes November 9th. — Garland D’Warhoone

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