Tag Archives: ordinary

Zombies: Guidelines to Upcoming Anthologies

Here are excerpts from the writer's guidelines of various Zombie-Themed POD anthologies that will be appearing soon:

Our Union Dead:

Genres:
Civil War, Alt-History, Horror, Romance, Regency. This is a
zombie-themed War Between the States anthology with a difference. I only want to see
stories about zombies who are fighting for the North. I WILL look at stories that have some
zombies in Confederate gray, but be forewarned, if you choose to submit
such a story you will have a very high bar to clear. Payment: 1/16 to
1/8 cent per word. Length: 1500 to 150,000 words. (Works longer than that may be
considered only for our online anthology supplement page at the reduced
rate of of 1/64 to 1/32 cent per word.) Be bold, be brave, innovate!
Why not set your particular tale during, say, a Civil War reenactment?
Or even a Civil War computer game — but a computer game that suddenly
gets very very real.)

Above all be historically
accurate. I don't want to see any more submissions with zombies
carrying Revolutionary War flintlocks, World War II German grease-guns,
or stories featuring any variety of horse bridle in only limited use
prior to 1864. It's called research, people. Do your job. Besides, at this time, we are overstocked on stories containing anachronistic horse bridles. 

Email subs
only, to editoriusemiritus[at]thebloodofourfourfatherspress.com. No
reprints. Simultaneous submissions will be deleted at once unread. If
you do send a simultaneous submission, and I find out about it, you will
be banned from submitting to any Blood of Our Four Fathers theme
anthology for a period of one year, or the release of our next sixty
theme anthologies, whichever comes first. People, there are
consequences to behavior in this business.

ResurErection: New GeniTALEias.

Sure
you're dead, but you're not DEAD right?  This anthology is seeking
stories, poems, and Penthouse-style true letters exploring the profound effects of the zombapocalypse on
sexual organs. Does a zombie penis become erect?  Does a zombie vagina
lubricate? Word length: Microfiction: 0 – 200 words. Full-length
fiction: 225 -1200 words. Stories between those lengths will be defined as either  microfic or macrofic at the sole discretion of the editor.

Payment:
ONE (1) story will be selected for the Travis Q. Zither Award of $25. This
award is to honor the work of writer and literarateur Travis Q. Zither
for his achievements within the zombie erotica sub-genre, and also to get the anthology listed as a paying market on various websites. Payment for
the other chosen stories will be Exposure AND 10% off contributor
copies (limit of fifteen per contributor). Reprints, while considered,
are strongly discouraged and will not be eligible for the Zither Award.
Fair warning: Stories written by women or that feature female
characters in any way resembling real human beings are always a tough
sell with me. When in doubt, query.

Anticipated print run: 125 copies. Send submissions to travisqzither[at]travisqzither.com

PG-13.
No gratuitous profanity. No rape, incest, or pedophilia except when
essential to the plot. Have some class, people. Simultaneous
submissions will be deleted unread. Estimated response time: 62 to 65
months.

Zombie: Dark Utopias
(UPDATE #15)
Utopias: the places that are not — or so it is defined in the nomenclatura of Sire Thomas Morehouse of Great Britannia. But what if an utopia could exist — and then got taken over by zombies!
(For more information in Sire Thomas Morecoke rent the first two
seasons of Showtime's "The Tudors." It's called an education, people!)
Be
bold, be edgy. We're starting to notice a lot of new zombie books,
novels, anthologies, collections, movies, DVD's, and BluRays appearing
on the horizonistical landscape, as it were. It is no longer enough to
write your Utopian zombie parable as if you were the only writer in the
universal pantheon.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER'S UTOPIAN ZOMBIE ANTHOLOGY, PEOPLE!
Genres:
sf/f/ss (both slipstream and sword & sorcery) alt history, alt
future history, western, mystery (no cozies — and– fair warning– cat-based whodunits are usually a tough sell with us). Urban fantasy,
suburban fantasy, neo-weird, nouveau-weird, weird, and not-weird, all
encouraged. No horror. No introspection: send that poop to The New
Yorker or someplace, we just want to be entertained, you stupid
navel-gazer. And no vampires, they are so played out.

Submissions
should be in standard ms. format. Let me explain what this means:
submissions should not be in non-standard ms. format. I know a lot of
other markets accept submissions in non-standard formats, but you
should know that this market and only this market accepts submissions
only in the standard format, and you should consider that before you
submit a manuscript to us in non-standard format.

Let's talk a
little about our submissions process. We employ the industry-normative
structure of fourteen rounds of readings. In the first round we will
determine whether your manuscript conforms to standard manuscript
format. The second round will consist of a different set of readers who
will consider whether the first set of readers were correct in their
assessment of the manuscript's format. After all, we want to be fair
about this.

After the second round, if it is determined a
manuscript does NOT meet the requirements of passing the first two
rounds, the manuscript will be returned to its author for reformatting.
(Or, in the case of a female-sounding byline, discarded.) Once the author
has reformatted his manuscript correctly and resubmitted it, the
manuscript will go to round three (assuming it can this time pass
rounds one and two.)

Round three with determine whether or not
your name is Neil Gaiman. If so, your manuscript will skip rounds four
through six, AND round twelve. (Note: After the original version of
these guidelines appeared, we received several manuscripts with bylines such as: "by Yeah-Like-Neil-Gaiman's-Gonna-Send-A-Story-To-Your-Lame-A**."
Look people, we are working with a very tight window here, I don't
appreciate what is so obviously NOT Neil Gaiman's real byline appearing in the slush.

Updated response time:
I know that we originally estimated our response time as between
"Anon and St Alban's Day, 2008" but due to the extraordinary
volume of manuscripts we have received (six) none of which have cleared
the seventh round of the submission process yet, we are behind. I feel
I myself bear some of the responsibility for this, as I have not yet
had time to decide what goes on in round seven, or in any of the other
rounds not specifically described here. When I do that, I will post
updated guidelines. You are potential writers and purchasers of
contributor copies — you deserve to know. And I will defend to the
death my right to say that. Current response time is approximately four
months from whatever-your-watch-says-right-this-moment to never. Please
do not query before that time.

Payment: Advance: $0 against a
standard royalty contract: 0.04% on a 75/25 split paid quarterly
beginning — ah, why kid yourself? — there's no such thing as a royalty.

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front page

Changing the blogs front page from most recent posts to my bibliography pages, because I don't have any recent posts. Someday I will make a pretty splash page or something.

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Requires research …

Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Dilbert and NYPD Blue.
The story should use a sex-change operation as a plot device!

Generated by the Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Idea Generator

Via Mamatas

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<del>I’m probably moving …</del>

this blog to WordPress, which I didn’t realize is also mostly free. It has some advantages over Blogger, like stats, the ability to break a post up with a jump, and most importantly the ability to migrate posts from old blogs such as this one and my old Typepad blog so I can resurrect my old posts in one pace, and save $40 by not renewing my annual Typepad membership for nostalgia’s sake. I’ll be posting simultaneously here and on WordPress for a couple weeks just to make sure there’s nothing on WordPress I can’t work with. The last step will be redirecting my personal domain there. In the meantime check out my beta. Yeeeaaahhh, maybe not!

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I hate video blogs

And most audio posts too. Example: Slate V. I keep seeing rss headlines for Slate articles I think I’d like to read but turn out to be videos. I don’t want to load a video, or put my headphones on just to see something I may or may not be interested in. You can scan video or audio the way you scan text. I think Seth Godin blogged some time ago about this being the reason vBlogs and podcasts will not supplant text. But vblogs are popping up everywhere, and that’s annoying.

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Does this year feel longer to you?

With leap day successfully passed though, we are now back on schedule.

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Gorging on 35 Dishes, Daily

Does Sullivan manage to post 15 – 35 times a day in part because he doesn’t allow comments? I wonder. The other Atlantic.com bloggers take comments, and Yglesias post nearly as often, and takes comments to boot. One of the Atlantic bloggers (I can’t find the post now) did mention that he or she mostly has to ignore comments to avoid the time sinkhole. And Sullivan’s post are usually one hit: i.e. one idea, one snip, and one link max, with the occasional longer post. I find it very addictive. I probably check Sullivan more often than I check my own political blogs labeled RSS feed. So do many others, as Sullivan is on the Technorati 100. In fact, almost all the blogs I read daily are in the Technorati 100 — which attests to how mainstream my web time-wasting is!

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The what’s-next-on-your-party-shuffle-playlist? post

…or the I’m-too-lazy-to-type-tonight post.

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Pre-Holiday Feast: The Pleasure of Veganism

I haven’t talked about it much — not at all, really. You might read The China Study, if you are interested. Or read this.

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Design changes

Sadly, all the available fonts look crappy on Windows boxes. My advice: get a Mac, or run Ubuntu.

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Away

I’ve been traveling in the Philippines the past couple weeks, visiting my Dad and his girlfriend here. I have a few pictures. I had a LOT of pictures, until for some strange reason I found myself on the memory card screen and managed to hit “reformat”. No good, but not deadly. Clicking “Okay” after that — now THAT was bad. So there went the record of the first half of the trip, including some interesting stuff shot in an isolated Muslim village (were the population is something like 70% children — giving it at times the feel of a ’60’s sci-fi movie in which all the adults have disapeared), and also some shots catamarans crowding the ferry when we arrived in the port city of Zamboanga. We had a nice time, in that southern province, despite US State Department warnings not to travel there because of terrorist activity. Folks were nice to us, though they don’t see as many foreigners there as in the rest of the country, so we prompted a lot of stares. There were armed military stationed, one per hotel to protect travelers, but that is about all. It’s not exactly the Afghan hills out here. We were a couple blocks away from a McDonald’s afterall.

But being on display like that gets old after awhile, so I have to remind myself that its only natural curiosity. What can you do.

Also Korean and Japanese tourists far outnumber Americans this trip, which was not true two years ago. There’s your weak US dollar at work. Thanks for everything Mr. Bush. I’ve talked to a few Brits and Aussies here — and the attitude toward to US is friendly, but not really surprised at the way we’ve handled Iraq. Most Americans I have talk to here seen pretty fed up with the States as well. This is true of the red-staters just as much as the blue-staters. I hadn’t expected that, and I’m still trying to sort out the reasons for their dissatisfaction. My preliminary theory is that they are worn out by the political infighting as well. Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Rove, Cheney, Bush, etc, have so demonized the left that our public discourse has become distasteful to even their own supporters, dwindling though they may be. Though the way the Democratic congress continues to roll over to the White House, what’s the point of putting them back in the majority anyway.

It would be nice not to have to go back. At least I should begin planning my own exit strategy. One thing that is especially tedious about walking down the street in, for example, Seattle, is the sheer smugness that drips of people. I notice this especially when I’ve returned from overseas. A little humility at home would be nice to see.

Now we are in a place called Bacolod, where we’ve got a chance to catch up on email, do laundry, and, since it has rained all day every day since we’ve arrived, it’s also a reminder of Seattle.

Next is a beach town: Bacolod. If it is raining there too, we may head back to Manila early.

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Novel Progress

There has been some. I’m not quite at the point I hoped to be here at the end of June (i.e. — done) but I am close. So close in fact that I see the solution to one problem. In too add four chapters, and in know exactly where they go.

This is good.

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Sleep …

… didn’t happen last night. I did some work this morning in preparation for tomorrow’s big free content experience but now I’m about done in. I was thinking about catching “Hot Fuzz” or some other movie, but my limbs feel like rubber now, so I ain’t going nowhere. So Plan B is to …
ahh I forgot Plan B already …

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2007: The Year Green Tea Broke

Funny article in Salon about the newest panacea: green tea. I’ve noticed racks and racks of new green-tea products filling the supermarket shelves in the past few weeks. I thought GT was big already, but it got bigger. My favorite will probably always be green tea ice cream, which is extraordinarily tasty, though I guess that is not the point.

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